Gertrude, the unexpected family member

Okay, I'm totally new to this blogging thing. Behind the times? Probably. I recently started writing a column for the newspaper I work for about my family's experiences with autism and after receiving some really heartwarming feedback, my sister suggested I start a blog. I decided to start it out with the columns I have written so far, so here goes...

April is Autism Awareness Month

Gertrude, the unexpected family member

If you are on Facebook, you are frequently reminded that each month brings an “awareness” of something that matters to someone. October is, of course, Breast Cancer Awareness Month. May is Cystic Fibrosis Awareness Month. November is Alzheimer’s Awareness Month. April is Autism Awareness Month. October is Squirrel Awareness Month. Yep, seriously. Okay, let’s go back to Autism Awareness Month. This one is near and dear to my heart. My husband Travis and I have two sweet, beautiful, entertaining daughters and Autism is the fifth member of our family.

In an effort to make this easier to understand and hopefully, more entertaining, I’ll refer to this fifth member as “Gertrude”. Gertrude is with us all day, every day. She joins us for every meal, demanding specific foods - nothing too hard, too hot or at all different from the usual menu. She goes to school with us everyday, usually ready to work hard but some days testing those who have to deal with her. Gertrude can make friendships difficult. Kids don’t always understand her odd behaviors and why she seems so different. She is sometimes the class clown and sometimes the one getting picked on. She is with us at every event we try to attend, usually creating anxiety and frustration for the other four family members, not to mention the population around us that we unintentionally annoy. Sometimes we convince ourselves that we’ve left Gertie at home, that we’re going to have a normal experience like everyone else, but inevitably, she pops up at the most unexpected times, provoking stares and embarrassment. She is always with us at bedtime, occasionally feeling the urge for a loud parade, complete with singing and dancing at 4:00 in the morning. But who doesn’t love a parade?

Like any member of the family, Gertrude is frequently a stinker, but is also sometimes helpful. She is nothing if not educational. Our eyes and those of our extended family have been opened to things we never would have given a second thought to in the past. For instance, I know far more about proprioceptive and vestibular input and their importance in the learning process than I ever thought I would (although don’t ask me to explain it). Also, communication occurs in so many different ways, not just verbally. Gestures, eye contact, physical interaction and sometimes telepathy can all get the same results a spoken request would get. Not to mention, I have more knowledge about dinosaurs, penguins and anything Backyardigans-related than any grown woman cares to admit.

While Gertrude has alienated us from some people, her existence has also created the opportunity for some wonderful and meaningful relationships for my family. We have been blessed with excellent educators, paras and therapists at Ravenna Elementary that have grown to become a part of our extended family. Many of these individuals have been involved since our youngest was a baby. The support we’ve received because we have Gertie in our lives has been heartwarming and allows us to trudge on when things seem too difficult. She’s also created an unusual sense of teamwork within my family. I think in most instances, we’re probably stronger and closer than your average family, all thanks to Gertrude. We now know that 1 in every 88 children is affected by an autism spectrum disorder, so on occasion, we run into another family dealing with their own version of Gertrude. Our familiarity with her allows us to be much less judgmental parents than we would have been without her. My motto has become, “A little kindness goes a long way”.

Some may think that having autism in your life is devastating and something to be pitied. The Nye family has found that a sense of humor is Essential, with a capital “E”. I can’t tell you how many times my husband and I have looked at each other and laughed in situations where we probably really wanted to cry or pull our hair out. Things that a “typical” family would take for granted, we celebrate: seeing your daughter feed herself, no matter how messy she gets in the process; going to a doctor’s appointment where your child doesn’t knock her pediatrician onto the floor; watching your kiddo do something as seemingly easy as riding a bike like everyone else. There is a sense of pride that families like ours have that others may never be able to understand. But that is one of the things that Gertrude has to offer and we think we’ll keep her.