Kindergarten Graduation!

For most parents, Kindergarten Graduation marks the beginning of many years of educational and social milestones for their kids. It may be the first bittersweet moment of realization that your child is really growing up and becoming independent. Usually Mom gets misty-eyed seeing her baby wear the miniature version of the cap and gown they will be donning in another 12 years and Dad has a moment of pride when he sees his child accept his/her “diploma” - proof that first grade is on the horizon. For my family, it was all these things and so much more.

For our youngest in her struggle with Gertrude, sensory issues have made so many situations nearly impossible for her. It is common for autistic people to have sensory difficulties; meaning what we see, hear, taste, touch and smell can have a much more profound impact on them than any of us realize. Consider for a moment what it takes to walk into a room full of people. You see dozens of people wearing colors and patterns of all different types, they all have their own scent, good or bad (and more is not always better, ladies and gentlemen), everyone speaks in their own way - maybe booming loudly or sharply whispering, there may be food present which creates more smell issues along with some fear that you will be expected to eat that food, and the liklihood that you would get out of a room full of people without being expected to touch anyone/thing is slim to none. For a typical person who has experienced these situations frequently, navigating a room full of people is no problem. You might pause a moment before shaking someone’s hand, but realize you can later wash before you pick up and eat that cookie. The sound of someone’s voice may bother you, but you can move away or politely tolerate it until they’re through speaking.

For my youngest, we knew Gertie would make Kindergarten Graduation difficult, to say the least. Her team had been practicing with her for weeks. They would walk her through everything; from visiting the theater where the program would be held and where she would be sitting, to trying on the gown she would wear and practicing what she would say. But as anyone who has Gertrude in their lives knows, no matter how much you’ve prepared, anything can happen. The night before was the yearly Spring Program and after getting off to a rough start, our daughter refused to participate on stage with her class. Instead, she and her para stood completely out of sight of the large crowd and she did a little singing and a little crying. So, to be honest, my husband and I did not have high expectations for graduation. We entered the theater and, as usual, tried to find an inconspicuous place to sit - somewhere that our daughter would be less likely to spot us and would allow us a quick escape if she did. Usually if she sees us during a stressful situation, she lets us know, in no uncertain terms, that she is ready to go home! We watched the other kindergartners march in, so grown up, while the fifth grade band played Pomp and Circumstance, knowing our daughter was waiting from a distance until the band was through. As she walked on stage with her para (whom I like to refer to as “Fabby Ms. Abby”) we were surprised to see that she didn’t give in to the tears as she scoped out the theater full of people. She was not wearing the cute little mortar board that all the other grads were wearing, but we knew she wouldn’t be and that was okay with us. We have definitely learned to pick our battles when it comes to Gertie and hats are ALWAYS a battle!

As the program went on, we were shocked to see that our daughter not only tolerated it, but participated! She stayed in her seat (with the encouragement of Fabby Ms. Abby), hokey-pokied with the best of them and walked independently to the center of the stage to accept her diploma from Mrs. Cronin and Mr. Anderson. Any of these things alone would have made it a successful day, but undoubtedly my favorite moment of all and a memory I will treasure forever was when she walked to the microphone and said, “I’m Taytem Nye. In kindergarten I learned my patterns.” That was enough to send me into the ugly cry, rummaging through my purse for a crumpled old kleenex. I turned and looked at Grandma and then at Taytem’s life skills teacher who was nearby and we were all reduced to a puddle of tears, but so happy and amazed. Dad and Grandpa kept their composure, as most guys do, but I know they were equally as proud. In that moment, I realized how much Taytem had learned in kindergarten. Maybe not the typical kindergarten learning, but the progress she made throughout the year was obvious. Of course, all the prep work her teachers did and the compassion of everyone in the room helped make her successful, but Taytem made a choice that day not to let Gertie get the better of her. Taytem: 1, Gertie: 0 - at least for now.